I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
