woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize