so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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