went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
