Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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