Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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