There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize