Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
