Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
