you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
