She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize