Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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