dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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