FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
