He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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