using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
