i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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