Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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