dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
