DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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