Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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