Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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