I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
