you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
