The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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