no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
