I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
