you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
