there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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