You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize