My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Actions speak louder than pants.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize