my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
