Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
