My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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