I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
