Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
