why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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