Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
