What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
