White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize