I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
