you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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