i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Randomize
