Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
