hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize