I intend to get homeless drunk
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
