I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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