woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
