Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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