The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
