Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize