Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
