drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
