Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
