WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So apparently I’m into choking now
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