i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
