he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize