when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
