Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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