its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I want a musical about memes.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
