Having a random hookup so left but love u
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
