dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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