I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
