my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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