my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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