You can't motorboat a personality
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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