Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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