it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize