my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We're too hungover to prance.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
