If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
