I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
