Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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