Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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