I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Randomize