My entire life is one complicated drinking game
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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