I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
