im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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